we have followers!

how exciting! we have followers! hee hee!!

i just bought this sweater for the new baby!

figlio used to have the best chicken wings ever and i normally never eat those things. figlio isn't even there anymore, it's something else now, weard.

Things That Are Dumb

In honor of Kel, who loves a good list :), I am starting a list of things that are dumb.  There is an extensive list somewhere of things I am thankful for, so I am just balancing out the universe. 

• Buffalo Wings.  They are not made of buffalo, and the depiction of a buffalo with wings is just utterly dumb. 
• Chicken Wings as appetizers.  Way too messy for not enough oomph.  And usually too sinewy to taste good anyway.
• Laptops that overheat.
• Ishy burning smells that come from a plumber trying to fix a crushed pipe right outside my door.
• 70 degrees one day, snow the next.
• Springtime colds.
• "Birthers." 
• Donald Trump.
• Donald Trump's hair.
• Donald Trump thinking that he "made" Obama show the world his birth certificate.
• The fact that I even know who Donald Trump is.

I'm hungry.  Add on your own things that are dumb while I get a sandwich.

Batty bat

So we were driving to my Mom's and we see this weird fluttering thing just above the car - it is a BAT.  In the daytime!  Just fluttering about completely out of his element trying to just not perish.  I found it profound and then I thought how odd the things that touch us or speak to our psyche in any given day.  It also made me thing of this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N7yAe2MBIpE
 
Which gives you an excellent idea of just how crazy my particular psyche is.

Hip to the Hop

If the Collective Unit entered Easter Olympics, this is how it would go --


1st Place in the Sack Race == KelBel, cuz she's all energetic like that
1st Place in the Easter Egg Decorating Contest == LishyLoo, cuz she's all arty like that
1st Place in Finding Easter Eggs == Me, cuz I'm all nosy like that


Also, I think it's kind of blasphemous that we have a song about Beealzebub Tuna, and no song for Easter.  We are surely going to Hell for that.


Also, what is UP with Americans needing to throw candy at every holiday?  Why does a chocolate bunny need to be involved?  Although, I do love chocolate bunnies.  What other time of the year would we get to enjoy chocolate bunnies?  Nevermind, I'm good with candy and holidays melding together.


But why are there chocolate Statues of Liberty for the 4th of July?  Some one should get on that.  GOLD MINE!!


Pete packed some peeps, pickles and peppers for a platonic picnic.  People ate his peppers and pickles but picky about his peeps.  Pete's party was pretty precious, even if Pete puked from too many peeps.


Enjoy your Easter peeps, my peeps!

we kind of suck

we kind of suck at the collective unit blog. what should i say that is funny? i am going to BI tomorrow so i can get "the shit" and the napkins, that should be a trip and a half!! i wonder if we will just sound annoying and overly dramatic or if we will be super poignant and kick ass.

http://www.mtv.com/videos/misc/408042/bacon.jhtml

Ode to a Realtor Asshat by kelbel

Oh Mr. Realtor Asshat

You are such a prat

I don’t even have my cat

And you compare my house to a stinky mat.

Stop And Smell

Ahhh, you're welcome!  In the deepest throughs of anxiety-ville, I now FREAK OUT at the thought of driving alone anywhere.  And after that passes, I recall driving us all over everywhere, or driving by myself to and fro MN and WYO, and I am dumbfounded.  What the hell happened to me?  And then I remember everything that has happened to me, and I cut myself some slack.  Progress.

Anyway, this 'napkin' is going to be longer than usual cuz I find it freakin' hysterical.  The other day, after Kel dropped the bomb that she created this blog, I was giddy.  How FUN!!  And then Jon got home, and I hadn't actually spoken to another human in eleven hours, and I was giddy, so I was all bouncy and giggly and whatnot.  We went out to dinner.  In a public place.  And I was still all jazzed up.  After we ordered, I told Jon about the new blog and about napkin writing, and I began to recite Stop and Smell, and I LOST MY SHIT in the middle of the restaurant.  Seriously, I was laughing so hard that I had tears streaming down my face.  I couldn't choke out more than the title and my name and then I'd just start laughing again.  Don't know why, but I all of a sudden felt it was hysterical.  My hysteronics set Jon off, so there we were, laughing like LOONS and everyone else thought we were certifiable, I'm sure, but it was a good time.

So then I finally manage to recite the whole thing.  Which Jon was amused by, not for it's poetic GENIUS or anything, but because he was amused that I found such a thing hilarious.  But THEN,  ooooohhhh yes, THEN, hours and hours later, he attempts to recite it BACK to me.  So good!!

Here is the original version:

Stop and Smell by Ginger Heins
I'm writing on a napkin.
An allll plain white textured napkin.
Is it perfumed?
NO!
At least I can't smell it.
My nose just can't handle it.
But maybe that's because I smelled shit
One time.

Okay, here's Jon's Very Serious Version of the Masterpiece.

Does It Smell? By Ginger Burns
I got a white napkin.
It's smelly.
I don't know!
My nose is jacked up.
And I smelled shit once.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Poetic masters.  That's us!!

a thank you

today we went to the mall of america but we went from st. paul so we took the old route and i was thrown back right away to traveling in CLYDE!! just want to seriously THANK YOU heins for driving my sorry butt all around town for literally YEARS. rain and snow! all over the state for stupid hairbrained trips, seriously thank you. you were and are a good friend and i probably never told you that enough.

i promise i will post something funny next time but you know, i am pregnant so i have these outbursts and i love you guys.

i got it!

thanks heins, i got the directions and realized that you guys had totally already told me the message was on my hotmail. my brain is having trouble!

what i really wanted to say is this: by age 35 i thought i would have WAY more glittery belts. i will now make this a priority.

The Internet Barely EXISTED When We Used To Do This

I remember that email was the newest, hottest adventure when we were in college, diligently looking at boys  studying at DB.  I never did a single project or paper with the help of the internet.  Yeah, we're that old.  Young in the heart, though, and I think we always will be.  Cuz we're old souls.  HA!  Figure that one out!!


Anyway, so since this is on that new fangled internet, what if PETE stumbles across this in his grand architectural career???  F-in Pete.  Do you think we scarred him for life?  I hope not.  But C'MON.  It's not like most people can definitively say they had their own fan club when they were in college. 


In the interest of alleviating any bad karma...Hi, Pete!  Hope you are doing well.  Sorry if we scared and/or scarred you for life. 


Anyone remember all the parts of the Collective Unit Oath?  I can remember waving the fists, pom pom chickens ruling and helping old ladies.  Eat the comida.  That's all I got.

Profound

I feel as though this should somehow be profound, momentous, a connection and a lifeline to a past we once knew but here in suburbia all I can contemplate is the price of a steak and laundry detergent.  And I wonder – with rampant run-ons and bizarre punctuation – why I can’t muster any enthusiasm for that which is not mundane.  And so I give you today’s price of steak: top sirloin $3.88/lb  and laundry detergent:  $17.99/150 oz.  The purchase of one unfortunately precludes the other and there is no clean underwear…..   In the vernacular….it is a small coffee day instead of a chocolate steamer extravaganza.