Friends here is a little glimpse into the hillarity that is a random Facebook encounter with the collective unit. At least I think it is funny but then I am biased, and also slightly tipsy - Happy Holidays y'all!
ME: I am now the proud owner of one of those k-cup thingies
Saturday, December 17, 2011
Friday, July 22, 2011
Verbage
I will readily admit that I am an admirer of the English language. I hoard vocab words like shiny new toys and wait with baited breath to dole them out for amusement and entertainment. Unfortunately, it is pretty much only for my amusement and entertainment but that is a different blog. However there is one subsection of words that continues to evade my abilities. Profanity.
Words classified as profane are some of the most versatile - one word can mean good, bad, cool, crap, etc. - all depending how you use it. However you do have to be able to use it CREDIBLY for this to work. Unless I am severely stressed, drunk or angry I cannot, for the life of me, swear with any effectiveness. I drop an f-bomb, immediately blush, giggle and glance surreptitiously around for the swears police. I thought as I aged I will be able to more authentically swear, perhaps, I mused, it was something one had to grow into - this, sadly, does not seem to be the case. All of my friends can swear and not sound like tiny school kids trying on bad girl clothes. Why can't I? Perhaps I need a swears mentor? More practice?
My five year old can swear with more audacity and joy than I can. However he declares he is "bored" of the swears he knows (two for those keeping my bad mom tally) and has expressed a desire to make up new inventive swears to alleviate this ennui. Perhaps this is the solution to my dilemma as well! I too should make up new words to suit my swearing needs and thus be able to kill two birds with one stone. I will have new vocab AND be able swear!
Somehow I don't think it will be the same... fuck.
***giggle*** snort*** damn....
Words classified as profane are some of the most versatile - one word can mean good, bad, cool, crap, etc. - all depending how you use it. However you do have to be able to use it CREDIBLY for this to work. Unless I am severely stressed, drunk or angry I cannot, for the life of me, swear with any effectiveness. I drop an f-bomb, immediately blush, giggle and glance surreptitiously around for the swears police. I thought as I aged I will be able to more authentically swear, perhaps, I mused, it was something one had to grow into - this, sadly, does not seem to be the case. All of my friends can swear and not sound like tiny school kids trying on bad girl clothes. Why can't I? Perhaps I need a swears mentor? More practice?
My five year old can swear with more audacity and joy than I can. However he declares he is "bored" of the swears he knows (two for those keeping my bad mom tally) and has expressed a desire to make up new inventive swears to alleviate this ennui. Perhaps this is the solution to my dilemma as well! I too should make up new words to suit my swearing needs and thus be able to kill two birds with one stone. I will have new vocab AND be able swear!
Somehow I don't think it will be the same... fuck.
***giggle*** snort*** damn....
Thursday, June 23, 2011
Where'd who go??
I'd like to think you missed me, but probably you didn't even notice I had stopped posting. Still lets pretend you and I, okay?, that you were stoically suffering through the absence of my witty yet poignent postings.
SO we moved. From our house, our little finally all fixed up how I wanted it townhouse. The house that I brought my boys home to, the house where we became a family. I thought I would be sad, I thought I would be depressed and reluctant. At the very least I expected to feel jipped at the monetary value we had lost. Instead I find myself relieved and actually happier here at my parents. I like people and having two more around to feed and chat up has done wonders for my mood. Maybe I really need to start that commune.
So here at the Palmer Family Farm we farm mud. Well not really - we farm pretty much nothing unless you count pottery and wood fired pizza - but to look at my boys on any given day you would be hard pressed to guess otherwise! Yesterday they had a mud pie fight and they were covered head-to-toe in it and GLEEFUL in their dirtiness. When did we adults loose that ability? I, at least, no longer find being covered in mud fascinating and alluring.
SO we moved. From our house, our little finally all fixed up how I wanted it townhouse. The house that I brought my boys home to, the house where we became a family. I thought I would be sad, I thought I would be depressed and reluctant. At the very least I expected to feel jipped at the monetary value we had lost. Instead I find myself relieved and actually happier here at my parents. I like people and having two more around to feed and chat up has done wonders for my mood. Maybe I really need to start that commune.
So here at the Palmer Family Farm we farm mud. Well not really - we farm pretty much nothing unless you count pottery and wood fired pizza - but to look at my boys on any given day you would be hard pressed to guess otherwise! Yesterday they had a mud pie fight and they were covered head-to-toe in it and GLEEFUL in their dirtiness. When did we adults loose that ability? I, at least, no longer find being covered in mud fascinating and alluring.
Saturday, May 28, 2011
Cast Your Vote
The Collective Unit had a reunion last Thursday. Coffee was involved. As were napkins. And lots and lots of laughter. We even had a camera present, so we decided to take some shots for ye olde blog here. Hubs was our photographer. Here are the results of the first CU Photo Shoot in oh say ten years.
So we need help in deciding which pic should remain on the blog forevermore. Tell us which one you like the best, either here on the blog or on facebook. We'll probably choose at some point in the future. It's almost like voting. And it's a very American thing to do - voting. Don't let the terrorists win.
"Calm Beginning" shot
"We Just Won the Lottery" Shot
"Let's 'Cheers!' And Be Really Cheesy" shot
"Pretend You Just Took A Swig of Bad Coffee" shot
"Cute Boy Just Walked By" shot
So we need help in deciding which pic should remain on the blog forevermore. Tell us which one you like the best, either here on the blog or on facebook. We'll probably choose at some point in the future. It's almost like voting. And it's a very American thing to do - voting. Don't let the terrorists win.
Monday, May 23, 2011
Good Tip
Warning: Don't read this if you have a weak stomach coupled with a good imagination. Or if you are a man.
Last Friday, I had a routine appointment with my OB/GYN, just to make sure all was still good after the anarchy of the last couple of years. She starts talking about vaginal discharge. Yeah, she did. This is what she said: "If it doesn't itch, doesn't smell, if it has no color, if it's not FOAMING and if it's not GREEN, everything is fine."
Good God. There are women out there who have a foaming green substance coming out of their vaginas.
I have added those women to my own personal list of people to pray for. Life is hard enough without green foam.
Last Friday, I had a routine appointment with my OB/GYN, just to make sure all was still good after the anarchy of the last couple of years. She starts talking about vaginal discharge. Yeah, she did. This is what she said: "If it doesn't itch, doesn't smell, if it has no color, if it's not FOAMING and if it's not GREEN, everything is fine."
Good God. There are women out there who have a foaming green substance coming out of their vaginas.
I have added those women to my own personal list of people to pray for. Life is hard enough without green foam.
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
Why? Chicken Thigh
Hard to argue with that right? Here is a list. I am famous for them. Well.... sort of I like them. Probably it's annoying but no one has been so rude or exasperated to have declared them so to my face (or even loudly behind my back) and so I carry on...
1. I found a grey hair this weekend. It is my first. It has been my first for quite a while now considering its length. I first tried to deny it by declaring it a blonde highlight. After removal and closer examination I immediately tried to upsell by declaring it to by a snowy and distinguished white. I am still clinging to that and have disposed of the evidence so you all will have to just let me live the fantasy a bit longer until it grows in again.
2. The voice. I like it, alot. It seems better than idol in many ways. Mostly in the way where I don't have to listen to alot of bad singing. However I don't like Christina. Mostly I fear that any moment her frighteningly large and round-like-melons mammary glands will escape their flimsy bindings and I will be scarred for life. Maybe I am just jealous. I am very found of Cee Lo however and oddly enough Blake.
3. I am downsizing again. Unlike most people our "starter" house was good sized and we "downsized" when we first added to our family. Now we are downsizing again as we will most likely be living in an apartment or condo in MA. ( Which by the way sounds alot like MEH to me - maybe just my mood?) So faced with storage and moving costs I am endeavouring to fit all my necessities into a 26' U-Haul. Biggest challenge? The fabric stash. I can't part with any fabric larger than 3 x 3 inches square. It is a problem, I know. SO today I got rid of it..... ALL. If it wasn't part of a quilt or a soon to be finished project. If it didn't have a finite purpose - It got trashed or donated.
Part of me? Elated. I feel so free without all those pressing whiney little bits clamoring for a use, a home. Part of me? Devestated. All those possibilites, all those maybes and last minute what can I make with this - also gone.
I guess that sums up how I feel about this whole moving thing. An intoxicating mix of elation and devestation. I look forward to thinking I am bored again one day.
1. I found a grey hair this weekend. It is my first. It has been my first for quite a while now considering its length. I first tried to deny it by declaring it a blonde highlight. After removal and closer examination I immediately tried to upsell by declaring it to by a snowy and distinguished white. I am still clinging to that and have disposed of the evidence so you all will have to just let me live the fantasy a bit longer until it grows in again.
2. The voice. I like it, alot. It seems better than idol in many ways. Mostly in the way where I don't have to listen to alot of bad singing. However I don't like Christina. Mostly I fear that any moment her frighteningly large and round-like-melons mammary glands will escape their flimsy bindings and I will be scarred for life. Maybe I am just jealous. I am very found of Cee Lo however and oddly enough Blake.
3. I am downsizing again. Unlike most people our "starter" house was good sized and we "downsized" when we first added to our family. Now we are downsizing again as we will most likely be living in an apartment or condo in MA. ( Which by the way sounds alot like MEH to me - maybe just my mood?) So faced with storage and moving costs I am endeavouring to fit all my necessities into a 26' U-Haul. Biggest challenge? The fabric stash. I can't part with any fabric larger than 3 x 3 inches square. It is a problem, I know. SO today I got rid of it..... ALL. If it wasn't part of a quilt or a soon to be finished project. If it didn't have a finite purpose - It got trashed or donated.
Part of me? Elated. I feel so free without all those pressing whiney little bits clamoring for a use, a home. Part of me? Devestated. All those possibilites, all those maybes and last minute what can I make with this - also gone.
I guess that sums up how I feel about this whole moving thing. An intoxicating mix of elation and devestation. I look forward to thinking I am bored again one day.
Sunday, May 8, 2011
judas
i can't help feeling that the rap in gaga's judas sounds like something one of us would write:
In the most Biblical sense,
I am beyond repentance
Fame hooker, prostitute wench, vomits her mind
But in the cultural sense
I just speak in future tense
Judas kiss me if offenced,
Or wear an ear condom next time
In the most Biblical sense,
I am beyond repentance
Fame hooker, prostitute wench, vomits her mind
But in the cultural sense
I just speak in future tense
Judas kiss me if offenced,
Or wear an ear condom next time
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)