Friends here is a little glimpse into the hillarity that is a random Facebook encounter with the collective unit. At least I think it is funny but then I am biased, and also slightly tipsy - Happy Holidays y'all!
ME: I am now the proud owner of one of those k-cup thingies
Saturday, December 17, 2011
Friday, July 22, 2011
Verbage
I will readily admit that I am an admirer of the English language. I hoard vocab words like shiny new toys and wait with baited breath to dole them out for amusement and entertainment. Unfortunately, it is pretty much only for my amusement and entertainment but that is a different blog. However there is one subsection of words that continues to evade my abilities. Profanity.
Words classified as profane are some of the most versatile - one word can mean good, bad, cool, crap, etc. - all depending how you use it. However you do have to be able to use it CREDIBLY for this to work. Unless I am severely stressed, drunk or angry I cannot, for the life of me, swear with any effectiveness. I drop an f-bomb, immediately blush, giggle and glance surreptitiously around for the swears police. I thought as I aged I will be able to more authentically swear, perhaps, I mused, it was something one had to grow into - this, sadly, does not seem to be the case. All of my friends can swear and not sound like tiny school kids trying on bad girl clothes. Why can't I? Perhaps I need a swears mentor? More practice?
My five year old can swear with more audacity and joy than I can. However he declares he is "bored" of the swears he knows (two for those keeping my bad mom tally) and has expressed a desire to make up new inventive swears to alleviate this ennui. Perhaps this is the solution to my dilemma as well! I too should make up new words to suit my swearing needs and thus be able to kill two birds with one stone. I will have new vocab AND be able swear!
Somehow I don't think it will be the same... fuck.
***giggle*** snort*** damn....
Words classified as profane are some of the most versatile - one word can mean good, bad, cool, crap, etc. - all depending how you use it. However you do have to be able to use it CREDIBLY for this to work. Unless I am severely stressed, drunk or angry I cannot, for the life of me, swear with any effectiveness. I drop an f-bomb, immediately blush, giggle and glance surreptitiously around for the swears police. I thought as I aged I will be able to more authentically swear, perhaps, I mused, it was something one had to grow into - this, sadly, does not seem to be the case. All of my friends can swear and not sound like tiny school kids trying on bad girl clothes. Why can't I? Perhaps I need a swears mentor? More practice?
My five year old can swear with more audacity and joy than I can. However he declares he is "bored" of the swears he knows (two for those keeping my bad mom tally) and has expressed a desire to make up new inventive swears to alleviate this ennui. Perhaps this is the solution to my dilemma as well! I too should make up new words to suit my swearing needs and thus be able to kill two birds with one stone. I will have new vocab AND be able swear!
Somehow I don't think it will be the same... fuck.
***giggle*** snort*** damn....
Thursday, June 23, 2011
Where'd who go??
I'd like to think you missed me, but probably you didn't even notice I had stopped posting. Still lets pretend you and I, okay?, that you were stoically suffering through the absence of my witty yet poignent postings.
SO we moved. From our house, our little finally all fixed up how I wanted it townhouse. The house that I brought my boys home to, the house where we became a family. I thought I would be sad, I thought I would be depressed and reluctant. At the very least I expected to feel jipped at the monetary value we had lost. Instead I find myself relieved and actually happier here at my parents. I like people and having two more around to feed and chat up has done wonders for my mood. Maybe I really need to start that commune.
So here at the Palmer Family Farm we farm mud. Well not really - we farm pretty much nothing unless you count pottery and wood fired pizza - but to look at my boys on any given day you would be hard pressed to guess otherwise! Yesterday they had a mud pie fight and they were covered head-to-toe in it and GLEEFUL in their dirtiness. When did we adults loose that ability? I, at least, no longer find being covered in mud fascinating and alluring.
SO we moved. From our house, our little finally all fixed up how I wanted it townhouse. The house that I brought my boys home to, the house where we became a family. I thought I would be sad, I thought I would be depressed and reluctant. At the very least I expected to feel jipped at the monetary value we had lost. Instead I find myself relieved and actually happier here at my parents. I like people and having two more around to feed and chat up has done wonders for my mood. Maybe I really need to start that commune.
So here at the Palmer Family Farm we farm mud. Well not really - we farm pretty much nothing unless you count pottery and wood fired pizza - but to look at my boys on any given day you would be hard pressed to guess otherwise! Yesterday they had a mud pie fight and they were covered head-to-toe in it and GLEEFUL in their dirtiness. When did we adults loose that ability? I, at least, no longer find being covered in mud fascinating and alluring.
Saturday, May 28, 2011
Cast Your Vote
The Collective Unit had a reunion last Thursday. Coffee was involved. As were napkins. And lots and lots of laughter. We even had a camera present, so we decided to take some shots for ye olde blog here. Hubs was our photographer. Here are the results of the first CU Photo Shoot in oh say ten years.
So we need help in deciding which pic should remain on the blog forevermore. Tell us which one you like the best, either here on the blog or on facebook. We'll probably choose at some point in the future. It's almost like voting. And it's a very American thing to do - voting. Don't let the terrorists win.
"Calm Beginning" shot
"We Just Won the Lottery" Shot
"Let's 'Cheers!' And Be Really Cheesy" shot
"Pretend You Just Took A Swig of Bad Coffee" shot
"Cute Boy Just Walked By" shot
So we need help in deciding which pic should remain on the blog forevermore. Tell us which one you like the best, either here on the blog or on facebook. We'll probably choose at some point in the future. It's almost like voting. And it's a very American thing to do - voting. Don't let the terrorists win.
Monday, May 23, 2011
Good Tip
Warning: Don't read this if you have a weak stomach coupled with a good imagination. Or if you are a man.
Last Friday, I had a routine appointment with my OB/GYN, just to make sure all was still good after the anarchy of the last couple of years. She starts talking about vaginal discharge. Yeah, she did. This is what she said: "If it doesn't itch, doesn't smell, if it has no color, if it's not FOAMING and if it's not GREEN, everything is fine."
Good God. There are women out there who have a foaming green substance coming out of their vaginas.
I have added those women to my own personal list of people to pray for. Life is hard enough without green foam.
Last Friday, I had a routine appointment with my OB/GYN, just to make sure all was still good after the anarchy of the last couple of years. She starts talking about vaginal discharge. Yeah, she did. This is what she said: "If it doesn't itch, doesn't smell, if it has no color, if it's not FOAMING and if it's not GREEN, everything is fine."
Good God. There are women out there who have a foaming green substance coming out of their vaginas.
I have added those women to my own personal list of people to pray for. Life is hard enough without green foam.
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
Why? Chicken Thigh
Hard to argue with that right? Here is a list. I am famous for them. Well.... sort of I like them. Probably it's annoying but no one has been so rude or exasperated to have declared them so to my face (or even loudly behind my back) and so I carry on...
1. I found a grey hair this weekend. It is my first. It has been my first for quite a while now considering its length. I first tried to deny it by declaring it a blonde highlight. After removal and closer examination I immediately tried to upsell by declaring it to by a snowy and distinguished white. I am still clinging to that and have disposed of the evidence so you all will have to just let me live the fantasy a bit longer until it grows in again.
2. The voice. I like it, alot. It seems better than idol in many ways. Mostly in the way where I don't have to listen to alot of bad singing. However I don't like Christina. Mostly I fear that any moment her frighteningly large and round-like-melons mammary glands will escape their flimsy bindings and I will be scarred for life. Maybe I am just jealous. I am very found of Cee Lo however and oddly enough Blake.
3. I am downsizing again. Unlike most people our "starter" house was good sized and we "downsized" when we first added to our family. Now we are downsizing again as we will most likely be living in an apartment or condo in MA. ( Which by the way sounds alot like MEH to me - maybe just my mood?) So faced with storage and moving costs I am endeavouring to fit all my necessities into a 26' U-Haul. Biggest challenge? The fabric stash. I can't part with any fabric larger than 3 x 3 inches square. It is a problem, I know. SO today I got rid of it..... ALL. If it wasn't part of a quilt or a soon to be finished project. If it didn't have a finite purpose - It got trashed or donated.
Part of me? Elated. I feel so free without all those pressing whiney little bits clamoring for a use, a home. Part of me? Devestated. All those possibilites, all those maybes and last minute what can I make with this - also gone.
I guess that sums up how I feel about this whole moving thing. An intoxicating mix of elation and devestation. I look forward to thinking I am bored again one day.
1. I found a grey hair this weekend. It is my first. It has been my first for quite a while now considering its length. I first tried to deny it by declaring it a blonde highlight. After removal and closer examination I immediately tried to upsell by declaring it to by a snowy and distinguished white. I am still clinging to that and have disposed of the evidence so you all will have to just let me live the fantasy a bit longer until it grows in again.
2. The voice. I like it, alot. It seems better than idol in many ways. Mostly in the way where I don't have to listen to alot of bad singing. However I don't like Christina. Mostly I fear that any moment her frighteningly large and round-like-melons mammary glands will escape their flimsy bindings and I will be scarred for life. Maybe I am just jealous. I am very found of Cee Lo however and oddly enough Blake.
3. I am downsizing again. Unlike most people our "starter" house was good sized and we "downsized" when we first added to our family. Now we are downsizing again as we will most likely be living in an apartment or condo in MA. ( Which by the way sounds alot like MEH to me - maybe just my mood?) So faced with storage and moving costs I am endeavouring to fit all my necessities into a 26' U-Haul. Biggest challenge? The fabric stash. I can't part with any fabric larger than 3 x 3 inches square. It is a problem, I know. SO today I got rid of it..... ALL. If it wasn't part of a quilt or a soon to be finished project. If it didn't have a finite purpose - It got trashed or donated.
Part of me? Elated. I feel so free without all those pressing whiney little bits clamoring for a use, a home. Part of me? Devestated. All those possibilites, all those maybes and last minute what can I make with this - also gone.
I guess that sums up how I feel about this whole moving thing. An intoxicating mix of elation and devestation. I look forward to thinking I am bored again one day.
Sunday, May 8, 2011
judas
i can't help feeling that the rap in gaga's judas sounds like something one of us would write:
In the most Biblical sense,
I am beyond repentance
Fame hooker, prostitute wench, vomits her mind
But in the cultural sense
I just speak in future tense
Judas kiss me if offenced,
Or wear an ear condom next time
In the most Biblical sense,
I am beyond repentance
Fame hooker, prostitute wench, vomits her mind
But in the cultural sense
I just speak in future tense
Judas kiss me if offenced,
Or wear an ear condom next time
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
Affaire de spellinge
The computer has been dead for over a week now and I am getting an unplanned vacation from work. And unfortunately from getting paid. And apparently the blog. But I can remain silent no longer and thus am iPoding it in. Please feel free to heckle my poor one finger typing skills and any auto correct hilarity.
Speaking of auto correct I find it quite amusing what it attempts to make of my kellisms (wanted to make that chemists by the way - is that ironic? I never recall.) and poor attempts at spelling. One could say I have quite a bit of love for auto correct - it helps me use really big words I wouldn't normally be able to spell and provides amusement in the bargain. For example, I like to abbreviate my CU associate's name to Lish which auto correct feels should always be Lush. I find this hysterical, everytime. You should too.
The other day I was attempting to spell bureaucracy. Auto correct tried many different words to try and help: beauty, bankrupcy, beneficial. Finally, after a good 10 minutes success was achieved! Then auto correct broke up with me. Won't even take my calls. Something about holding me back and being a crutch but if you ask me I think mr. Auto correct is getting a bit too high in the instep, too big for his britches and decided that our daily wranglings were beneath him. Well I'll show him! I'm gonna learn to spell all by myself!
Aw who am I kidding - we all know I will bake a bribe cake instead.
Speaking of auto correct I find it quite amusing what it attempts to make of my kellisms (wanted to make that chemists by the way - is that ironic? I never recall.) and poor attempts at spelling. One could say I have quite a bit of love for auto correct - it helps me use really big words I wouldn't normally be able to spell and provides amusement in the bargain. For example, I like to abbreviate my CU associate's name to Lish which auto correct feels should always be Lush. I find this hysterical, everytime. You should too.
The other day I was attempting to spell bureaucracy. Auto correct tried many different words to try and help: beauty, bankrupcy, beneficial. Finally, after a good 10 minutes success was achieved! Then auto correct broke up with me. Won't even take my calls. Something about holding me back and being a crutch but if you ask me I think mr. Auto correct is getting a bit too high in the instep, too big for his britches and decided that our daily wranglings were beneath him. Well I'll show him! I'm gonna learn to spell all by myself!
Aw who am I kidding - we all know I will bake a bribe cake instead.
Monday, May 2, 2011
Girls, I don't get it
i was reading to truman last night when Ev walked in and held up his cell phone for me to look at and i figured it was just going to be some cartoon or something. it was the news that bin laden had been found and killed. my jaw dropped.
not long after i watched the president's announcement and speech which made me happy and proud.
when we went to war after 9-11 a lot of the reasoning didn't make sense to me. i am still not 100% versed on all of the "reasons" to declare war, i know there have been "great losses and great gains" do i know all of the details, not even close. like most americans i enjoy my freedom without a lot of PERSONAL sacrifice. my loved ones are not overseas fighting, my children are at home in their beds. but there was one thing i never really questioned and that was that bin laden was a mass murdering tyrant that needed to be brought to justice.
last night all i felt towards the troops and the insanely brave men who found bin laden and killed him was extreme gratefulness. to me there is absolutely no reason a mass murderer needs to be shown any mercy. i don't mean to be crass, but the gonads it takes to carry out a mission like that with a level head is something i could never ever do. it astounds me, and fills me with gratitude and pride.
so i was surprised when i woke up and found that not everyone shared my feelings on this issue, most specifically people i know who call themselves christians. in their minds, celebrating the death of a mass murderer was not christian. now, i believe everyone is entitled to their opinion but i am not gonna lie, it pissed me off. as if somehow being a "christian" makes you rise above the sense of relief that bin laden was gone. that somehow people who DID feel happy he was found and killed are "less christian" than you are.
i am shocked that after nearly 10 years of fighting that anyone would deny ANYONE the right to celebrate this great american victory. to me it's almost a slap in the face to the men who carried out the operation.
so many thoughts have poured through my head today:
if a police officer kills a man who pulls an automatic weapon on him we don't blame the police officer.
we so easily vilify the teenagers who shot their peers at columbine but to celebrate BIN LADEN'S death is somehow unchristian?
has anyone ever said "gee, it was a shame everyone was so happy when hitler died??"
does anyone ever TRULY put themselves in another person's shoes?
i guess for me today it came down to the fact that i may have a bit more of a grasp of my dark side than other people. if someone murdered one or all of my children, you would have to hold me back because i would not hesitate to retaliate.
one of the things i have learned through the years is "fear is not logical." the fight or flight reflex is strong in humans...we are animals after all. the desire to protect is innate.
i have heard these same people arguing this point tell their children it's "ok to hit back" if their children are hit. what???? but killing BIN LADEN is bad?
i don't hide behind my christianity and i think this is ok, i know "jesus is just all right with ME" when it comes to this stuff.
if i allow MYSELF a few moments of pride for my country and a huge sigh of relief and feelings of justice than i sure as hell am going to let the families of the VICTIMS of 9-11 dance in the streets.
not long after i watched the president's announcement and speech which made me happy and proud.
when we went to war after 9-11 a lot of the reasoning didn't make sense to me. i am still not 100% versed on all of the "reasons" to declare war, i know there have been "great losses and great gains" do i know all of the details, not even close. like most americans i enjoy my freedom without a lot of PERSONAL sacrifice. my loved ones are not overseas fighting, my children are at home in their beds. but there was one thing i never really questioned and that was that bin laden was a mass murdering tyrant that needed to be brought to justice.
last night all i felt towards the troops and the insanely brave men who found bin laden and killed him was extreme gratefulness. to me there is absolutely no reason a mass murderer needs to be shown any mercy. i don't mean to be crass, but the gonads it takes to carry out a mission like that with a level head is something i could never ever do. it astounds me, and fills me with gratitude and pride.
so i was surprised when i woke up and found that not everyone shared my feelings on this issue, most specifically people i know who call themselves christians. in their minds, celebrating the death of a mass murderer was not christian. now, i believe everyone is entitled to their opinion but i am not gonna lie, it pissed me off. as if somehow being a "christian" makes you rise above the sense of relief that bin laden was gone. that somehow people who DID feel happy he was found and killed are "less christian" than you are.
i am shocked that after nearly 10 years of fighting that anyone would deny ANYONE the right to celebrate this great american victory. to me it's almost a slap in the face to the men who carried out the operation.
so many thoughts have poured through my head today:
if a police officer kills a man who pulls an automatic weapon on him we don't blame the police officer.
we so easily vilify the teenagers who shot their peers at columbine but to celebrate BIN LADEN'S death is somehow unchristian?
has anyone ever said "gee, it was a shame everyone was so happy when hitler died??"
does anyone ever TRULY put themselves in another person's shoes?
i guess for me today it came down to the fact that i may have a bit more of a grasp of my dark side than other people. if someone murdered one or all of my children, you would have to hold me back because i would not hesitate to retaliate.
one of the things i have learned through the years is "fear is not logical." the fight or flight reflex is strong in humans...we are animals after all. the desire to protect is innate.
i have heard these same people arguing this point tell their children it's "ok to hit back" if their children are hit. what???? but killing BIN LADEN is bad?
i don't hide behind my christianity and i think this is ok, i know "jesus is just all right with ME" when it comes to this stuff.
if i allow MYSELF a few moments of pride for my country and a huge sigh of relief and feelings of justice than i sure as hell am going to let the families of the VICTIMS of 9-11 dance in the streets.
Sunday, May 1, 2011
happy sunday
We got a redlight
Pornographic dance fight
Systematic, honey
But we got no money
lady gaga
Pornographic dance fight
Systematic, honey
But we got no money
lady gaga
Thursday, April 28, 2011
we have followers!
how exciting! we have followers! hee hee!!
i just bought this sweater for the new baby!
figlio used to have the best chicken wings ever and i normally never eat those things. figlio isn't even there anymore, it's something else now, weard.
figlio used to have the best chicken wings ever and i normally never eat those things. figlio isn't even there anymore, it's something else now, weard.
Things That Are Dumb
In honor of Kel, who loves a good list :), I am starting a list of things that are dumb. There is an extensive list somewhere of things I am thankful for, so I am just balancing out the universe.
- Buffalo Wings. They are not made of buffalo, and the depiction of a buffalo with wings is just utterly dumb.
- Chicken Wings as appetizers. Way too messy for not enough oomph. And usually too sinewy to taste good anyway.
- Laptops that overheat.
- Ishy burning smells that come from a plumber trying to fix a crushed pipe right outside my door.
- 70 degrees one day, snow the next.
- Springtime colds.
- "Birthers."
- Donald Trump.
- Donald Trump's hair.
- Donald Trump thinking that he "made" Obama show the world his birth certificate.
- The fact that I even know who Donald Trump is.
Sunday, April 24, 2011
Batty bat
So we were driving to my Mom's and we see this weird fluttering thing just above the car - it is a BAT. In the daytime! Just fluttering about completely out of his element trying to just not perish. I found it profound and then I thought how odd the things that touch us or speak to our psyche in any given day. It also made me thing of this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N7yAe2MBIpE
Which gives you an excellent idea of just how crazy my particular psyche is.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N7yAe2MBIpE
Which gives you an excellent idea of just how crazy my particular psyche is.
Saturday, April 23, 2011
Hip to the Hop
If the Collective Unit entered Easter Olympics, this is how it would go --
1st Place in the Sack Race == KelBel, cuz she's all energetic like that
1st Place in the Easter Egg Decorating Contest == LishyLoo, cuz she's all arty like that
1st Place in Finding Easter Eggs == Me, cuz I'm all nosy like that
Also, I think it's kind of blasphemous that we have a song about Beealzebub Tuna, and no song for Easter. We are surely going to Hell for that.
Also, what is UP with Americans needing to throw candy at every holiday? Why does a chocolate bunny need to be involved? Although, I do love chocolate bunnies. What other time of the year would we get to enjoy chocolate bunnies? Nevermind, I'm good with candy and holidays melding together.
But why are there chocolate Statues of Liberty for the 4th of July? Some one should get on that. GOLD MINE!!
Pete packed some peeps, pickles and peppers for a platonic picnic. People ate his peppers and pickles but picky about his peeps. Pete's party was pretty precious, even if Pete puked from too many peeps.
Enjoy your Easter peeps, my peeps!
1st Place in the Sack Race == KelBel, cuz she's all energetic like that
1st Place in the Easter Egg Decorating Contest == LishyLoo, cuz she's all arty like that
1st Place in Finding Easter Eggs == Me, cuz I'm all nosy like that
Also, I think it's kind of blasphemous that we have a song about Beealzebub Tuna, and no song for Easter. We are surely going to Hell for that.
Also, what is UP with Americans needing to throw candy at every holiday? Why does a chocolate bunny need to be involved? Although, I do love chocolate bunnies. What other time of the year would we get to enjoy chocolate bunnies? Nevermind, I'm good with candy and holidays melding together.
But why are there chocolate Statues of Liberty for the 4th of July? Some one should get on that. GOLD MINE!!
Pete packed some peeps, pickles and peppers for a platonic picnic. People ate his peppers and pickles but picky about his peeps. Pete's party was pretty precious, even if Pete puked from too many peeps.
Enjoy your Easter peeps, my peeps!
Friday, April 22, 2011
we kind of suck
we kind of suck at the collective unit blog. what should i say that is funny? i am going to BI tomorrow so i can get "the shit" and the napkins, that should be a trip and a half!! i wonder if we will just sound annoying and overly dramatic or if we will be super poignant and kick ass.
http://www.mtv.com/videos/misc/408042/bacon.jhtml
http://www.mtv.com/videos/misc/408042/bacon.jhtml
Sunday, April 17, 2011
Ode to a Realtor Asshat by kelbel
Oh Mr. Realtor Asshat
You are such a prat
I don’t even have my cat
And you compare my house to a stinky mat.
Saturday, April 16, 2011
Stop And Smell
Ahhh, you're welcome! In the deepest throughs of anxiety-ville, I now FREAK OUT at the thought of driving alone anywhere. And after that passes, I recall driving us all over everywhere, or driving by myself to and fro MN and WYO, and I am dumbfounded. What the hell happened to me? And then I remember everything that has happened to me, and I cut myself some slack. Progress.
Anyway, this 'napkin' is going to be longer than usual cuz I find it freakin' hysterical. The other day, after Kel dropped the bomb that she created this blog, I was giddy. How FUN!! And then Jon got home, and I hadn't actually spoken to another human in eleven hours, and I was giddy, so I was all bouncy and giggly and whatnot. We went out to dinner. In a public place. And I was still all jazzed up. After we ordered, I told Jon about the new blog and about napkin writing, and I began to recite Stop and Smell, and I LOST MY SHIT in the middle of the restaurant. Seriously, I was laughing so hard that I had tears streaming down my face. I couldn't choke out more than the title and my name and then I'd just start laughing again. Don't know why, but I all of a sudden felt it was hysterical. My hysteronics set Jon off, so there we were, laughing like LOONS and everyone else thought we were certifiable, I'm sure, but it was a good time.
So then I finally manage to recite the whole thing. Which Jon was amused by, not for it's poetic GENIUS or anything, but because he was amused that I found such a thing hilarious. But THEN, ooooohhhh yes, THEN, hours and hours later, he attempts to recite it BACK to me. So good!!
Here is the original version:
Stop and Smell by Ginger Heins
I'm writing on a napkin.
An allll plain white textured napkin.
Is it perfumed?
NO!
At least I can't smell it.
My nose just can't handle it.
But maybe that's because I smelled shit
One time.
Okay, here's Jon's Very Serious Version of the Masterpiece.
Does It Smell? By Ginger Burns
I got a white napkin.
It's smelly.
I don't know!
My nose is jacked up.
And I smelled shit once.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Poetic masters. That's us!!
Anyway, this 'napkin' is going to be longer than usual cuz I find it freakin' hysterical. The other day, after Kel dropped the bomb that she created this blog, I was giddy. How FUN!! And then Jon got home, and I hadn't actually spoken to another human in eleven hours, and I was giddy, so I was all bouncy and giggly and whatnot. We went out to dinner. In a public place. And I was still all jazzed up. After we ordered, I told Jon about the new blog and about napkin writing, and I began to recite Stop and Smell, and I LOST MY SHIT in the middle of the restaurant. Seriously, I was laughing so hard that I had tears streaming down my face. I couldn't choke out more than the title and my name and then I'd just start laughing again. Don't know why, but I all of a sudden felt it was hysterical. My hysteronics set Jon off, so there we were, laughing like LOONS and everyone else thought we were certifiable, I'm sure, but it was a good time.
So then I finally manage to recite the whole thing. Which Jon was amused by, not for it's poetic GENIUS or anything, but because he was amused that I found such a thing hilarious. But THEN, ooooohhhh yes, THEN, hours and hours later, he attempts to recite it BACK to me. So good!!
Here is the original version:
Stop and Smell by Ginger Heins
I'm writing on a napkin.
An allll plain white textured napkin.
Is it perfumed?
NO!
At least I can't smell it.
My nose just can't handle it.
But maybe that's because I smelled shit
One time.
Okay, here's Jon's Very Serious Version of the Masterpiece.
Does It Smell? By Ginger Burns
I got a white napkin.
It's smelly.
I don't know!
My nose is jacked up.
And I smelled shit once.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Poetic masters. That's us!!
a thank you
today we went to the mall of america but we went from st. paul so we took the old route and i was thrown back right away to traveling in CLYDE!! just want to seriously THANK YOU heins for driving my sorry butt all around town for literally YEARS. rain and snow! all over the state for stupid hairbrained trips, seriously thank you. you were and are a good friend and i probably never told you that enough.
i promise i will post something funny next time but you know, i am pregnant so i have these outbursts and i love you guys.
i promise i will post something funny next time but you know, i am pregnant so i have these outbursts and i love you guys.
Friday, April 15, 2011
i got it!
thanks heins, i got the directions and realized that you guys had totally already told me the message was on my hotmail. my brain is having trouble!
what i really wanted to say is this: by age 35 i thought i would have WAY more glittery belts. i will now make this a priority.
what i really wanted to say is this: by age 35 i thought i would have WAY more glittery belts. i will now make this a priority.
Thursday, April 14, 2011
The Internet Barely EXISTED When We Used To Do This
I remember that email was the newest, hottest adventure when we were in college, diligently looking at boys studying at DB. I never did a single project or paper with the help of the internet. Yeah, we're that old. Young in the heart, though, and I think we always will be. Cuz we're old souls. HA! Figure that one out!!
Anyway, so since this is on that new fangled internet, what if PETE stumbles across this in his grand architectural career??? F-in Pete. Do you think we scarred him for life? I hope not. But C'MON. It's not like most people can definitively say they had their own fan club when they were in college.
In the interest of alleviating any bad karma...Hi, Pete! Hope you are doing well. Sorry if we scared and/or scarred you for life.
Anyone remember all the parts of the Collective Unit Oath? I can remember waving the fists, pom pom chickens ruling and helping old ladies. Eat the comida. That's all I got.
Anyway, so since this is on that new fangled internet, what if PETE stumbles across this in his grand architectural career??? F-in Pete. Do you think we scarred him for life? I hope not. But C'MON. It's not like most people can definitively say they had their own fan club when they were in college.
In the interest of alleviating any bad karma...Hi, Pete! Hope you are doing well. Sorry if we scared and/or scarred you for life.
Anyone remember all the parts of the Collective Unit Oath? I can remember waving the fists, pom pom chickens ruling and helping old ladies. Eat the comida. That's all I got.
Profound
I feel as though this should somehow be profound, momentous, a connection and a lifeline to a past we once knew but here in suburbia all I can contemplate is the price of a steak and laundry detergent. And I wonder – with rampant run-ons and bizarre punctuation – why I can’t muster any enthusiasm for that which is not mundane. And so I give you today’s price of steak: top sirloin $3.88/lb and laundry detergent: $17.99/150 oz. The purchase of one unfortunately precludes the other and there is no clean underwear….. In the vernacular….it is a small coffee day instead of a chocolate steamer extravaganza.
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